Disney Princess Terrorists

I knew better. You fly enough, you should know the rules. When you go through the full-body scanner you must remove everything from your pockets. I forgot my wallet.
So here I am, watching a highly-trained TSA agent take my wallet apart (as if I might have a pound or two of ammonium nitrate explosive hidden between my family photo and my pastors' discount card for the Tree of Life bookstore) while another security "expert" is fondling my crotch and ass.

It's been a long trip. I'm not feeling all that well. My tolerance for morons in uniform is at a dangerous low. There is another flight out in a couple of hours if...for some reason...I should be "delayed." Everything is in perfect order for me to cause someone to regret their employment choice. All that is left is to decide on the appropriate volume for the coming tirade.

But before I can utter the brilliant (yet cutting) comment to the troll still amusing himself with my wallet, the calm of the security screening area is shattered by a loud male voice shouting "Are you f___ing KIDDING me?" A small child begins to wail, and the voice continues "This has got to be some kind of f___ing joke!"

Wow, I think. That is far better than the snarky comment I was going to make. As Charleston Hesston said in the Ten Commandments, when seeing the burning bush from a distance, "I must go and see this thing." So as I put on my shoes, belt, watch, cell phone, glasses (and what was left of my dignity), I moved to see what the commotion was about.

The short version of the story was this. Mom, Dad and (I'm guessing) four-year-old daughter are coming back from a trip to Disneyland. Daughter's souvenir from the trip was a Disney Princess snow globe. Disney princess snow globes are on the official TSA no-fly list, so a dutiful and ever-vigilant agent has taken the snow globe from the child's Little Mermaid backpack and has thrown it into the bin of other extremely dangerous confiscated liquids (mostly oversized bottles of mouthwash). Child is wailing, and Dad has crossed the line from annoyed to full-blown anger. Others in line are joining in verbal abuse of the TSA agent.

The scene resembled recent news reports from Egypt. Security agents were arriving from other screening stations. And I swear people in line were scanning the floor for rocks to throw. My participation was neither needed or called for, so I went on to catch my flight.

I shared the story will a fellow passenger. She looked at me smugly and declared "I feel for the little girl, but personally, I'm willing to do anything to make sure flying is safe."

Really? Anything? I can't wait to hear her response when someone inevitably smuggles an explosive device "inside" their body, where the scanners don't penetrate. Let's see if she feels safer after the rubber gloves are removed.

So we traumatize four-year-olds. We publicly embarrass a woman in the Portland airport, as a TSA agent makes her explain (in front of dozens of other passengers) that the bulk the agent is feeling during the pat-down is an adult Depends diaper. Or the elderly black man in Orlando that had to show the agent (and everyone else in line) his colostomy bag. Or the veteran forced at LAX to remove his prosthetic leg to go through the screening. Or the additional screening and the interview I had to endure because I made a last minute change to my flight schedule when I found out my Mom had passed away.

Do I feel safer now when I fly? I'll feel safer when we abandon the idiotic screening methods we use in this country (methods that have been proven over and over to not work). I'll feel safer when we adopt methods that do work. I'll feel safer when we stop groping little old ladies, and instead, take a hard look at every traveler who even appears to be of middle eastern decent. And if my darker skin and beard mean that I get groped more often, I'll live.

But I must admit...I would really like to see the Homeland Security briefing on Disney Princess terrorist. I'll bet anything that Princess Jasmine is the ringleader.

Kill All the Heretics

Rob Bell is at it again. The likes of John Piper and Mark Driscoll are sharpening the executioner's axe. And if the volume of references (over 20,000 at last Google count) to an article by Justin Taylor are any indication, the orthodox religious types are gathering in the village square to witness a good old fashion beheading.

So what did Bell do this time to justify such fervent cry of "Off with his head?" We don't really know, because the book that has neo-Calvinists like Piper and Driscoll up in arms hasn't actually been released yet. About all we have is a short promo video and the following description from the publisher.

“Fans flock to his Facebook page, his NOOMA videos have been viewed by millions, and his Sunday sermons are attended by 10,000 parishioners – with a downloadable podcast reaching 50,000 more. An electrifying, unconventional pastor whom Time magazine calls ‘a singular rock star in the church world’, Rob Bell is the most vibrant, central religious leader of the millennial generation. Now, in Love Wins: Heaven, Hell, and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived, Bell addresses one of the most controversial issues of faith – the afterlife – arguing that a loving God would never sentence human souls to eternal suffering. With searing insight, Bell puts hell on trial, and his message is decidedly optimistic – eternal life doesn’t start when we die; it starts right now. And ultimately, Love Wins.”

Based on this, Piper tweets to his loyal following "@JohnPiper “Farwell Rob Bell. http://dsr.gd/fZqmd8”. And the link at the end of the tweet is a link to an article by Justin Taylor, who states, “It is unspeakably sad when those called to be ministers of the Word distort the gospel and deceive the people of God with false doctrine.” Taylor goes on to quote 2 Corinthians 11:14–15 (14 And no wonder, for even Satan disguises himself as an angel of light. 15 So it is no surprise if his servants, also, disguise themselves as servants of righteousness. Their end will correspond to their deeds.)

So there you have it. We have no other choice but to kill the heretics before they can do any damage to the movement. And I use the word "movement" intentionally, because killing anyone who might disagree with the early followers of Luther and Calvin seemed to be standard operating procedure. Consider the two following quotes.

“Whoever shall now contend that it is unjust to put heretics and blasphemers to death will knowingly and willingly incur their very guilt.”

And this one:

“Anyone who can be proved to be a seditious person is an outlaw before God and the emperor; and whoever is the first to put him to death does right and well. For if a man is in open rebellion, everyone is both his judge and the executioner; just as when a fire starts, the first man who can put it out is the best man to do the job.”

The first is from John Calvin (after the execution of Servetus for preaching a non-Trinitarian understanding of God). The second is from Martin Luther encouraging the slaughter of peasants (often Anabaptist Christians).” And while John Piper has yet to call for the slaughter of liberal theologians, his "death before debate" approach to the writings of those like Rob Bell and Brian McLaren shows that little has changed over the centuries.

Is Bell a Universalist, as Piper and Taylor claim? I don't think so, but unlike them, I'll need to wait to read the book before I pass judgment. And even then, I think calling Bell a servant of Satan is a little over the top. Even without reading Love Wins: Heaven, Hell, and the Fate of Every Person Who Ever Lived I'm fairly certain that Rob Bell's Hell has a lot fewer inhabitants than Piper's. But then, I don't need Bell to tell me that. All I have to do is actually read scripture. That approach would work for Piper and Driscoll if they could ever take their John Calvin glasses off for a moment.

The End of the World As We Know It

Some say the world will end in fire,

Some say in ice.
From what I've tasted of desire
I hold with those who favor fire.
But if it had to perish twice,
I think I know enough of hate
To say that for destruction ice
Is also great
And would suffice.

Fire and Ice - Robert Frost

OK, everyone...mark your calendar. Jesus is returning on May 21st of this year. I know because I heard Harold Camping tell me so on Family Christian Radio last night. Of course Mr. Camping also predicted Christ's return in 1994, but every prophet is entitled to one missed prediction, right? (If anyone is interested, we are planning an "end of the world" party for May 20th. You're all invited)

Harold is certainly not the first to predict the date for the end of the world. Joachim of Fiore announced to Richard the Lionhearted in 1191 that the Antichrist had been born, and the end would shortly follow. The Taborites waited for Christ's return in February of 1420. Melchior Hofmann predicted the end of the world as we know it in 1533. If you want to irritate a Seventh Day Adventist, mention the Millerites ("I am fully convinced that somewhere between March 21st, 1843 and March 21st, 1844, according to the Jewish mode of computation, Christ will come"). When that didn't pan out, William Miller changed the date to October 22, 1844. And I know a number of groups that get a little hot if you point out that televangelist Herbert Armstrong blew a couple of end of the age predictions.

But it must be the end of the world, right? There is unrest in the Middle East (like that has never happened before). Birds are falling from the sky (forget the fact that there have been an average of 165 bird die-offs reported every year). The economy is in the toilet (it's almost as bad as it was in the 80's). And Justin Beiber has a new movie in the theaters (OK, now I'm worried a little).

So why? Why do I, at least once every couple of weeks, have to listen to someone telling me all the reasons the end is near?

There are a lot of reasons I can think of. Fear. Frustration. Ignorance. Glenn Beck (wait, I already listed him in a previous reason). But I really believe the driving force behind prediction addiction is a burning desire to be let off the hook. If Jesus is coming back tomorrow, then I don't have to do anything today.

I don't have to worry about the conditions in my community...Jesus will fix it all when He gets here.

There really isn't enough time to share the good news the Jesus desires a relationship with my neighbor...my neighbor will have to figure that out when the trumpet sounds, and by then I hope to be out of here.

Global warming and the environment...it's all going to be toast shortly.

There is a story of a young monk who confronted St. Francis as he worked in his garden. "Brother Francis, if you knew our Lord was returning tomorrow, what would you do today" he enquired. St. Francis simple replied "I would finish weeding my garden."

If Jesus returns in May...awesome! If He comes back before April 15th, even better. But until then (whenever "then" may be) I have some weeding to do.

God Rest Me Merry

I will always remember the first time I noticed the comma in the old Christmas carol God Rest Ye Merry, Gentlemen. For years I had pondered the question "who were these gentlemen, and why were they so merry?" Perhaps what they needed rest from was all that merriment.


Then, a few years ago, someone burst my bubble of ignorance, and pointed out that this was a blessing...very much like "God be with you." I don't know about you, but this time of year I could use some rest. Especially the kind of rest that only comes from God.

Ruth Bell Graham captured this desire beautifully in a short poem she penned many years ago. This poem has become my prayer for the season (and the rest of the year as well), and I think you might find yourself offering up the same prayer. She wrote;

God rest you merry, gentlemen...
and in these pressured days
I, too, would seek to be so blessed
by Him, who still conveys
His merriment, along with rest.
So I would beg, on tired knees,
God rest me merry, please...


May you have a merry, and restful Christmas.

The Hope of Elizabeth Edwards

Over the last few days I have found myself strangely drawn to the life of Elizabeth Edwards. News of her death from breast cancer this past week at first became buried in the madness of the season. But a quote from Edwards' Facebook page caught my attention. Just days before her death, she wrote "The days of our lives, for all of us, are numbered. We know that. And yes, there are certainly times when we aren't able to muster as much strength and patience as we would like. It's called being human. But I have found that in the simple act of living with hope, and in the daily effort to have a positive impact in the world, the days I do have are made all the more meaningful and precious. And for that I am grateful."


Knowing her story well enough to know the many challenges Elizabeth Edwards faced, I started reading the various articles and watching the video clips on her life. I guess what I was searching for was a definition of that "hope" that she spoke about so often. In fact, just after the announcement that her cancer treatment was no longer effective, and her liver was now fully involved, Edwards wrote again of that sustaining hope. "You all know that I have been sustained throughout my life by three saving graces -- my family, my friends, and a faith in the power of resilience and hope."

And yet, in all that I read concerning a rather impressive life, that hope that carried Edwards through cancer, the death of her son, a presidential campaign and a brutal public divorce...that hope is never defined as anything more than an almost desperate belief that things are going to get better. And I'm afraid I want more than that in my own life.

The apostle Peter tells us in 1 Peter 3:15 to "Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have." My prayer is that, in an exhaustive review of my life after my passing, the source of the hope that has carried me through trial and crisis will be evident. I don't want people to see a hope that is somehow contingent on my ability to muddle through, but rather, to have them see the "living hope" that Peter wrote of in 1 Peter 1:3.

Elizabeth Edwards led an exemplary life, and I am better for having taken the time to examine that life in more detail than just a Register Guard article on her passing. "In her life, Elizabeth Edwards knew tragedy and pain," President Barack Obama said in a statement. "Many others would have turned inward; many others in the face of such adversity would have given up. But through all that she endured, Elizabeth revealed a kind of fortitude and grace that will long remain a source of inspiration."

Don't Feed the Trolls at FOX News

In the wonderful world of the internet, a Troll is someone who intentionally interrupts an online conversation with a post so controversial that others feel compelled to respond. The atheist comment posted to a Christian blog. The inappropriate racist photo posted on a chan site. The political comment posted just about anywhere. Online hell breaks out, and the Troll sits back and enjoys the mayhem he or she has initiated.


The current flap over President Obama's inclusion of Sitting Bull in his new book proves once again that FOX News is a Troll in the world of journalism. Make the on-air statement that is so absurd that people have to take the bait, and sit back and enjoy the ratings.

"Of Thee I Sing, A Letter to My Daughters" is the title in question. President Obama praises a number of famous Americans, including George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Helen Keller, Georgia O'Keeffe, Billie Holiday and Albert Einstein. But when he includes Lakota Chief Sitting Bull, FOX headlines read "Obama Praises Indian Chief Who Killed U.S. General." And in hot response, the salivating Obama-haters come out from under their respective rocks to accuse the President of delivering his "newest attack on America."

First, this statement overlooks the facts that not only was Sitting Bull too old to participate in the battle at the Little Big Horn (Crazy Horse lead the warriors), had Custer survived, he most certainly would have been court marshaled for disobeying a direct order not to engage the tribes camped in the Greasy Grass Valley.

Second, it implies that Sitting Bull was not an American. That is like saying the Robert E. Lee was not an American because he fought against General Grant.

And finally, if we are looking for faults in this list of famous Americans, we don't have to look far. Billie Holiday was a heroin addict who died as a result of her addiction. And why do so many of Georgia O'Keeffe's paintings look like female genitalia?

So the Trolls at FOX strike again. And we (this writer included) take the bait. And the Trolls feed and grow. Yes, the extreme viewpoints must be called out and debated. Otherwise too many gullible people will believe nonsense. But there are times when we should just call it for what it really is. A Troll looking to use the bait of the absurd to lure unsuspecting victims into an unnecessary dialogue.

The Trolls are fat enough already. Let's just walk away.

When All Else Fails, Try Persecution

I own dozens of books that claim the secret to growing the Church in America. Looking up at my bookshelf and reading the first seven titles my eyes fall on, all we need for growth is to become the emergent, transformational, contagious, purpose-driven, upside down, simple, comeback church (I'm not making this up...those were part of the titles of seven books, in order). Its working great so far, isn't it?


Perhaps our brothers and sisters in Christ living in the Sudan have found a church-growth scheme that actually works. It's called "persecution."

The civil war that raged throughout the Sudan from 1983 to 2005 left over two million dead, entire villages destroyed, hundreds of thousands of refugees, and established a brutal Shar'ia-based government. Tens of thousands were executed or sold into slavery simply because of their Christian faith. And yet, despite the fact that Western missionaries were expelled from the Sudan in 1964, the country has emerged to boast a church twice the size of the Episcopal Church in the United States. (and that doesn't include the millions of Catholics living in the Sudan).

Earlier this week, President Barack Obama announced that the United States would renew economic sanctions against Sudan for another year. Our decision, in part, is the result of Sudan's continued support for Islamist terrorists. It may also reflect the genocide in Darfur. The conflict between the Muslim north and the Christian south will certainly continue. And the Sudanese government will still ignore its own slave trade.

But the growth of the Christian community in the Sudan rivals anything we see in the world today. Just as persecution of the early Church fanned the flames of growth and expansion, so have the incredible hardships and dangers imposed upon all who profess Jesus as Lord in the Sudan. On January 9, 2011 the country will vote on a referendum that could grant freedom to Southern Sudan.

As we pray this weekend for the persecuted Church, we should all lift up the upcoming election in Sudan. Let us pray for the freedom of those who have endured so much for their faith. The words of a Sudanese praise chorus go like this:

     For I'm building a people of power
     and I'm making a people of praise,
     That will move through Sudan by my Spirit,
     and will glorify my precious name.

While our own recent election was little more than clueless people voicing a rage that they are not able to define, the January election in Sudan could profoundly change the lives of millions of believers. If only we could be so blessed.